And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
