She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
