remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
