So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
