I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
