He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
