I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He passed out mid-signature
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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