he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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