Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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