so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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