thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Houston, we have a squirter
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
