Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
