i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
