I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
