Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
