separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
God I need to hump something, right now.
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