Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
