I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
