I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
