So drunk its hurt
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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