i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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