Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
