I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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