I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
