a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
