this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
