the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
