Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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