hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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