Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
