i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
