Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
