woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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