I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
