Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
