He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
