My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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