I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
