oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
