i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
