I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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