If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
