Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
