There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
