Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
