it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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