his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
