So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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