your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
