Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
