We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
this is an emotional support booty call
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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