It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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