I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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