she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
